When somebody asks me a question about having kids, be it when we are having more, or how many we are planning on having, I'm going to answer them. Honestly.
Here's the thing. In the past when people have said something like, "Your little girl is so cute. Don't you want to have another soon?" I've always said something like, "ahahaa...oh, eventually," or any other non-committal answer I can manage to squeeze out before sneaking into a bathroom to cry. After such an encounter my mind would fill with thoughts like, "I can't believe she asked me that! Since when is that his business? How could she be so oblivious! Doesn't he know I'm infertile?"
Well. No. They don't. I mean, I don't exactly go around wearing a sign. Which is why I've decided to answer questions honestly. And whether or not people have the right to ask about my reproductive plans is beside the point. And truthfully, the fact that they're asking is most likely because they care about me and my family and not as a function of their well crafted passive-aggressive ploy to break my heart.
Here's a few responses I've been rehearsing in my head (please read the following in your most polite but not overly sweet voice):
"So, when are going to give Z-cakes a sister or brother?"
"Well, I'm infertile. We've been trying to have another baby for about 2 & 1/2 years now and we're just not sure when she'll have a sibling."
"Isn't it time for another baby?"
"Yes! I'm struggling with infertility so I'm not sure when another baby will be on the way."
"Do you want to have your kids far apart in age?"
"No. But I'm dealing with infertility so we don't really have the option of choosing how far apart to space our children."
"How many kids do you plan on having?"
"Well, I have infertility issues so we'd like to have more than one but we try not to set our hopes on a specific number."
"When is your baby due?" (yeah, it's happened)
"Actually, I'm not expecting, but I wish I was! We're struggling with infertility so keep your fingers crossed for us." (mental note to go on diet)
"Have you tried yoga and B734 (I made that up) vitamins?"
"No, I haven't. Thank you for that suggestion" (reserve the right to ignore suggestions)
"Have you thought about adoption."
"Right now we're going through medical infertility treatments. The thought of adoption is one thing too many for us right now. But thank you for the suggestion."
I also reserve the right to still return home to N8tr0n and bawl my eyes out after bravely answering such questions. I think that reaction is allowed.
I hope that none of this sounds too harsh. My point is, we all have struggles that we are dealing with. Sometimes during conversations people ask questions that they don't realize (and have no way of actually knowing) are hurtful and we can choose to be offended or we can remember that most people are well-meaning. And for the times when we are truly hurt by the comments/questions of others, we (hopefully) have a support system of people who know what we're going through, who don't care if we're crying again. I have that in N8tr0n and the rest of my family. I have that in you.
So go ahead. Ask me. I'm ready.