12 March 2010

One Little Word: Embrace

In January, I chose one word that I would focus on throughout the year. My "one little word." My inspiration for this came from Ali Edwards, though I have noticed a few of my friends in blogland have been doing it for years. I tried not to think too hard about my word. Tried to let the word choose me. A few weeks into January, there was one word swimming around in my head: Embrace. I don't know why I chose this word, there was no Aha!, no lists of potential words. Embrace was just the word that kept popping into my head over and over. I figured there were plenty of things to embrace in 2010 and I adopted the word, claiming it as my own.

Yesterday, my one little word helped me get through the day.

Yesterday, as I was loading Z-cakes into the car after a trip to the pharmacy, N8tr0n called to let me know that he did not get the job we were so hopeful for.

I cried.

I cried really hard. I cried because I was so frustrated. I cried because I was so sick of this. I also cried because I was just returning home from a trip to the doctor. Because besides the fact that we can't seem to find work, we can't seem to get pregnant either. So, there ya go.

I came around to take Z-cakes out of her car seat with tears still streaming down my face. Z-cakes gave me a funny look and said, "mommy crying." "Yep, mommy's a little sad right now," I said as I pulled her into my arms. And instead of wiggling away and running to the door, as is her usual routine, she put her head down on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. Her tiny fingers patted my arm and she said, "ssokay mommy, I sorry happened." The same words I tell her when she cries..."It's okay. I'm so sorry that happened."

I started crying all over again, standing in the driveway with my two-year-old daughter holding me tight. Except this time I wasn't thinking about how angry I was that N8tr0n didn't get his job, I was thinking one word: Embrace.

Z-cakes' hug helped calm me down. As did the lengthy phone call to my mom. As did the copy of Oprah's magazine that I accidentally purchased at Walgreens. (No, seriously, it really was an accident...I meant to put it back before I checked out, not place it under the other things I was buying.)

I should mention that N8tr0n's job news was more bittersweet than simply bitter. The interviewers were very impressed with him and as a result he has already made contact with a person who works in another division of the company. A position may open in the future that they believe N8tr0n would be a nice fit for. We don't have a timeline, but at least we don't feel like we're back at square one as is so often the case when he gets turned down for a job.

Also. Also. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. We feel very loved by you.

I have much to embrace.

A healthy, smart, and sensitive two-year old girl.

A loving husband.

A little family of three.

I'll be trying to focus on what things should be embraced while we're patiently waiting for the next chapter of our lives to begin.


Photobucket

20 comments:

Gail said...

I love the three of you so much!!!

Tiffany said...

I'm so sorry that happened. You are a wonderful girl and many bright days are headed your way. (This was beautifully written, by the way.)

Best wishes and thanks for the reminder to embrace. You are so right.

Crystal said...

You are so brave to share your feelings with all of us. I had a year of much discouragement and I kept telling myself, "All these trials from Heavenly Father are helping to mold me into a perfect being." It's never easy, but I've found the he has an even greater plan for us that we never can imagine for ourselves.

Much love sent your way!

Rachel said...

Oh Mandy, I am sorry. I have felt that yearning for another baby. Sometimes I felt guilty wanting it so badly, knowing I had already been blessed with the miracle of our first baby. You are such a great Mom, and Azalea will be a great big sister one day....just hang in there. And the job will come too, it is a hard time right now, but I just know that the Lord has a plan and a purpose for you and your family, you guys are just too dang AWESOME for him not to! I love you GUTS!

Hil said...

NO! But I was praying so hard... I'm so sorry things didn't work out.

It is difficult to accept things and do things on the Lord's schedule, isn't it?

I am certain that one day you will look back at these trials and be grateful for them and all that you were able to learn from them. It's just no fun while you are going through them...

Hang in there, I'll be sending more prayers and love your way!

Hannah said...

I'm so sorry, Mandy. I know the frustration from things not working out quite the way you want in the husband-job arena. I am thinking about you!

Kricket said...

I'm sorry Many. I love your word. I am President of the Spouse Association for the MBA school here at BYU. Our theme this year is "Embrace the Season." We have focused on enjoying the things that are happening rather than thinking so much of the future. It is so wonderful to do that but there are times that are extra difficult. Garrett is finishing in April and we are still looking for work. I'm right there with you on the crying part. I'll pray for you!

Staci said...

I'm so kicking myself! I work with a Mandy in Denver, so I didn't realize it was you that had left me a message. Expect to hear from me. In the mean time {{{HUGS}}}.

Katie {My Paisley Apron} said...

That's such a bummer! I hate when things don't go the way you're hoping, and especially when you're sick of the way things are. As a poster above commented, you are so brave to share all these feelings, and my heart goes out to you!

Greeneyes said...

Ohhhh.
Embraces coming your way from me.

charlotte said...

I'm so sorry that Nate didn't get the job. That's so hard. But your family is just incredible and your little girl is just too amazing.

Jason & Makenna said...

Oh, Mandy. I'm so sorry things can be so hard sometimes. You still seem to be so positive. Hang in there.

Christian & Jenny said...

Lame. On both counts. I've been thinking about you guys and wondering if you were dealing with any more baby stuff, because of our similar situation. I'm praying for you as you go through all of that. It just doesn't seem fair!
Incidently, my word is "beloved". But it's more of a life word than word of the year. I adopted it in college. Now I have it painted really cute on my wall, just waiting for the day I get my act together and hang all my family photos under it. :)

paws said...

This post made me cry. Sure it's for the best and all that crap, but sometimes you just have to be sad for a little bit.

Serin said...

Ditto to paws. I'm glad I got to see you today, I'll keep praying for good things to come your way. I think you are amazing!

judiroso said...

I agree with everyone...it is times like those that I am so grateful for children's innocence and unconditional love, reminds me of what is really important. I am sorry you have to go through a rough spot but from my experience the other side is better than you could have hoped or planned for.

Cassie said...

You are clearly a special lady as you are able to turn this experience around and remind yourself of all you have already. That is a magnificent quality to possess.

Sending you my kindest thoughts and wishes as always.

xx

michelle said...

Oh, what a disappointment. I'm sorry to hear about these let-downs. But I'm so glad you shared your tender moment with Z-cakes, how sweet is that? And I think you're amazing for your very mature perspective. Those one little words can be very powerful.

Jen said...

MANDY, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER I CRIED WITH YOU AS I READ THIS BLOG. I AM ALWAYS A PHONE CALL AWAY. I KNOW NATE WILL FIND A GOOD JOB. YOU ALL HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU...INCLUDING ME.

Kimberlee said...

In which I wish you were close enough to embrace. Love you and will continue praying for you and your little family.

Related Posts with Thumbnails