One Little Word: Embrace

In January, I chose one word that I would focus on throughout the year. My "one little word." My inspiration for this came from Ali Edwards, though I have noticed a few of my friends in blogland have been doing it for years. I tried not to think too hard about my word. Tried to let the word choose me. A few weeks into January, there was one word swimming around in my head: Embrace. I don't know why I chose this word, there was no Aha!, no lists of potential words. Embrace was just the word that kept popping into my head over and over. I figured there were plenty of things to embrace in 2010 and I adopted the word, claiming it as my own.

Yesterday, my one little word helped me get through the day.

Yesterday, as I was loading Z-cakes into the car after a trip to the pharmacy, N8tr0n called to let me know that he did not get the job we were so hopeful for.

I cried.

I cried really hard. I cried because I was so frustrated. I cried because I was so sick of this. I also cried because I was just returning home from a trip to the doctor. Because besides the fact that we can't seem to find work, we can't seem to get pregnant either. So, there ya go.

I came around to take Z-cakes out of her car seat with tears still streaming down my face. Z-cakes gave me a funny look and said, "mommy crying." "Yep, mommy's a little sad right now," I said as I pulled her into my arms. And instead of wiggling away and running to the door, as is her usual routine, she put her head down on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. Her tiny fingers patted my arm and she said, "ssokay mommy, I sorry happened." The same words I tell her when she cries..."It's okay. I'm so sorry that happened."

I started crying all over again, standing in the driveway with my two-year-old daughter holding me tight. Except this time I wasn't thinking about how angry I was that N8tr0n didn't get his job, I was thinking one word: Embrace.

Z-cakes' hug helped calm me down. As did the lengthy phone call to my mom. As did the copy of Oprah's magazine that I accidentally purchased at Walgreens. (No, seriously, it really was an accident...I meant to put it back before I checked out, not place it under the other things I was buying.)

I should mention that N8tr0n's job news was more bittersweet than simply bitter. The interviewers were very impressed with him and as a result he has already made contact with a person who works in another division of the company. A position may open in the future that they believe N8tr0n would be a nice fit for. We don't have a timeline, but at least we don't feel like we're back at square one as is so often the case when he gets turned down for a job.

Also. Also. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. We feel very loved by you.

I have much to embrace.

A healthy, smart, and sensitive two-year old girl.

A loving husband.

A little family of three.

I'll be trying to focus on what things should be embraced while we're patiently waiting for the next chapter of our lives to begin.